Sometimes my yoga mat seems like a soft cushion of blissful cloud, and other times, like today, it felt as hard as cement. Every downward facing dog and table top pose made my wrists feel aflame and all I wanted to do was fall flat on my face, shut my eyes, and pretend to be asleep. But push on I did, because what else could I do; to give in was to relent to defeat, and if there was one thing yoga would never see me do was give in. Bringing my right leg forward I tried to gracefully extend into Warrior 1, but my hips complained, and my slightly sweaty left foot, gripping the mat like a vice, still insisted on slipping further backwards.
"Keep balance, keep balance, keep balance," this mantra played over and over as I felt my centre of gravity fight against my leg muscles. The snow falling outside the window briefly distracted me, so pretty, all this pure white snowflakes - what was I up too? What was I meant to be doing now? The yoga video on youtube had seemingly skipped ahead a few poses. I gracelessly fell out of Warrior 1 and quickly lowered to downward dog again. Why was I so distracted today, why did the mat feel like cement - immovable, rough, and kind of scary.
I tried to remember what a lot of yoga teachers have said - "what happens in life was reflected on the mat." So what has been immovable cement in my life? Think, think, Elizabeth. I don't know, so I lower to plank, then down onto my belly, the softness of my belly spread like a slime ball - the mat was unrelenting. Cobra pose, flip up back into downward dog, look forward and step into forward fold. The relief slipped along my spine like a waterfall. Each spinal disc seemed to knock the other forward, stretching the ligaments and muscles; blood running to my head, nourishing the brain, perhaps loosening the tightness of body and mind.
Sometimes I don't want to get on the mat, sometimes I don't like the mat, but whenever I get to certain poses, the need for the mat becomes apparent. Perhaps the mat isn't cement, and perhaps there is no immovable object/emotion/action in life that is stopping me moving forward, perhaps it is all about how we perceive what is happening to us and how we are responding. I don't know, to be honest, all I know is that by the end of my yoga session the mat was no longer the most hated object in my life, but had seemingly become that fluffy cloud of softness and support. Who knows.